I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
