He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
