I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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