dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
