youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
