dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
