my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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