I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
