Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
