Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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