I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
