lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
