Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How naked do you want me to be?
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