3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
