my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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