My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
