So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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