i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
