Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What drink are we having for lunch?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
