just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
