hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
