fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
