Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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