So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
