Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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