whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
