im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
