You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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