from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
