You just made me feel so damn special
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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