I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
