bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
