My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
