sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
