I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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