Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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