Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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