Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
