You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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