This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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