Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
