i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
