never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
