Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
