I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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