The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
