ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
