I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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