Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
