so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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