i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
