Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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