Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
