Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
