dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize