I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
