theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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