he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
