I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
