they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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