I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
