i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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