You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
