The maid of honor just puked.
vagina is talking i cant
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
