I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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