Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
