You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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