Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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