Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
