I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
