stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
